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|DUE TO BUDGET CUTS,
THIS IS YOUR NEW CUBICLE:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are
doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may
buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not
need a raise.
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go
to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays &
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends,
relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the
funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is
necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow
you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time
limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense,
your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's
mental health policy.
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive
employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,allegations, accusations,
contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Cosmoworld's 'Vanish' Roller Coaster
The 'Vanish' roller coaster at Cosmoworld's theme park in Yokohama, Japan goes a step farther than most rides. Just as you
plunge into the water, you're underground, and reasonably dry. The roller coaster actually drops through the center of an
elaborate water fountain designed to look like a dramatic splash. Thrilling!
|Dad steals dessert from daughter:( bad daddy ! )