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A Charity Case
A local charity had never received a donation from the town's banker, so the director made a phone call.

"Our records show you make $500,000 a year, yet you haven't given a penny to charity," the director began. "Wouldn't you like to
help the community?"

The banker replied, "Did your research show that my mother is ill, with extremely expensive medical bills?"

"Um, no," mumbled the director.

"Or that my brother is blind and unemployed? Or that my sister's husband died,leaving her
broke with four kids?"

"I … I … I had no idea."

"So," said the banker, "if I don't give them any money, why would I give any to you?"
Pushing my cart up a supermarket aisle, I came upon a woman chatting away on her cell phone. There was
barely enough room to squeeze by her, and she seemed to be having trouble maneuvering her cart out of the
way. "I've got to go," I heard her say to the person on the other end. "I'll call you back from the next aisle."
Out of Business
My mother began getting calls from men who misdialed the similar
number of an escort service. Mom, who had had her number for years,
asked the telephone company to change the organization's number.
They refused. The calls kept coming day and night.
Finally, Mom began telling the gentlemen who called that the company
had gone out of business. Within a week, the escort service voluntarily
changed its number.
Christmas Party
I know my company has made a big effort to be family friendly, but I was baffled when I read this holiday
announcement posted on the bulletin board: "All employees are invited to the annual Christmas party. All children
under the age of ten will receive a gift from Santa. Employees who have no children may bring grandchildren."
Extra supervision
When hiring new staff at her public library, my daughter always asks applicants what sort of supervision they'd be most
comfortable with.
One genius answered, "I've always thought Superman's X-ray vision would be cool."
While getting dressed one morning, I decided I'd been spending too much time on my computer:
I caught myself checking the lower right corner of my makeup mirror to see what time it was.
15 Secrets Your Waiter Will Never Tell You
What would two dozen servers from across the country tell you if  they could get away with it? Well, for starters, when to go out,
what  not to order, what really happens behind the kitchen’s swinging doors, and what they think of you and your tips.
Here, from a group that clears a median $8.01 an hour in wages and tips, a few revelations that aren’t on any menu.
What you should know on Valentine's Day
1. Make reservations early. Restaurants usually don't have an abundance of
tables for two. We need to time to plan where to put everyone. You'll get a better
table and we'll be prepared.

2. Don't propose. It's so cliché. But if you do, warn us first. We'll put you in the
corner. Nothing's worse than a crying woman in the center of the restaurant. Trust
me.

3. If Valentine's Day is on a weekday,go out on Friday or Saturday. Most
restaurants will also serve their special Valentine's Day menu on those days. Or
go out for brunch! Then you can sleep the rest of the day.
—Waiters at Bernard's in Ridgefield, CT
What we lie about
4. We’re not allowed to tell our customers we don’t like a dish. So if you ask your server how something is and she says, “It’s one
of our most popular dishes,” chances are she doesn’t like it.
—Waitress at a well-known pizza chain
What drives us crazy
9. Oh, you needed more water so badly, you had to snap or tap or whistle? I’ll be right back … in ten minutes.
—Charity Ohlund

10. The single greatest way to get your waiter to hate you? Ask for hot tea. For some reason, an industry that’s managed to
streamline everything else hasn’t been able to streamline that. You've got to get a pot, boil the water, get the lemons, get the
honey, bring a cup and spoon. It’s a lot of work for little reward.
-Christopher Fehlinger, maître d’ at a popular New York City restaurant
What we want you to know
11. Sometimes, if you’ve been especially nice to me, I’ll tell the bartender, “Give me
a frozen margarita, and don’t put it in.” That totally gyps the company, but it helps
me because you’ll give it back to me in tips, and the management won’t know the
difference.
—Waitress at a casual Mexican restaurant in Manhattan

12. If you’re having a disagreement over dinner and all of a sudden other servers
come by to refill your water or clear your plates, or you notice a server slowly refilling
the salt and pepper shakers at the table next to yours, assume that we’re listening.
—Charity Ohlund
5. If someone orders a frozen drink that’s annoying to make, I’ll say, “Oh, we’re out. Sorry!” when really I just
don’t want to make it. But if you order water instead of another drink, suddenly we do have what you originally
wanted because I don’t want to lose your drink on the bill.
—Waitress at a casual Mexican restaurant in Manhattan
What you don’t want to know
6. When I was at one bakery restaurant, they used to make this really yummy peach cobbler in a big tray. A lot of times, servers
don’t have time to eat. So we all kept a fork in our aprons, and as we cruised through the kitchen, we’d stick our fork in the cobbler
and take a bite. We’d use the same fork each time.
—Kathy Kniss

7. If you make a big fuss about sending your soup back because it’s not hot enough, we like to take your spoon and run it under
really hot water, so when you put the hot spoon in your mouth, you’re going to get the impression — often the very painful
impression — that your soup is indeed hot.
—Chris

8. We put sugar in our kids' meals so kids will like them more. Seriously. We even put extra sugar in the dough
for the kids' pizzas.
-Waitress at a well-known pizza chain.
How to be a good customer
13. Use your waiter’s name. When I say, “Hi, my name is JR, and I’ll be taking care of you,” it’s great when you say, “Hi, JR. How
are you doing tonight?” Then, the next time you go in, ask for that waiter. He may not remember you, but if you requested him, he’
s going to give you really special service.
—JR, waiter at a fine-dining restaurant


14. Trust your waitress. Say something like “Hey, it’s our first time in. We want you to create an experience for us.
Here’s our budget.” Your server will go crazy for you.
— Charity Ohlund
What you need to know about tipping
15. If you walk out with the slip you wrote the tip on and leave behind the blank one, the server gets nothing. It happens all the time,
especially with people who’ve had a few bottles of wine.
—Judi Santana
Absolutely Amazing!!
It’s the stuff of nightmares and even a “Twilight Zone” episode: You fall asleep --
and something crawls into your ear and does nefarious things.
Just like what happened to 12-year-old Wade Schlote of Parker, Colo.

As the boy was sleeping Sunday night, a moth crawled into his ear, reported
NBC station KUSA-TV.

When he woke, he told KUSA, “I had a moment of panicking. I was in pain. It was
hurting so much I was screaming and crying.

Itchy ears: Could it be an allergy ... or a bug?

After washing it out at home didn’t work, he and his mother, Kathy, headed to
the emergency room. Doctors there tried, and failed, to flush it out before
resorting to tweezers to extract the winged creepy-crawly -- who was surprisingly
unfazed.

“When they did it was still alive and started flying,” he said.

They captured it, put it in a jar and gave it to Wade -- a perfect visual aid to go
with his new bug-in-the-ear bragging rights.
Worst nightmare: Moth moves into boy's ear
Walking into the factory, the Managing Director noticed a guy leaning on the wall, doing nothing. He calmly
asked the young man, "How much do you earn?"

"I earn KShs.15,000= a month, Sir. Why?"

Without answering, the MD reached out for his wallet, removed some money and gave him KShs.45,000= cash
saying loudly, "Around here I pay people for working not for idling!!! Here is 3 months' salary. Now get out and
don't come back!"

The young man put the money in his pocket and disappeared very fast and did not look back at all.

Noticing onlookers, the MD said to them, "That applies to everybody in this company." Then he approached
one of the onlookers, pulled him aside and asked him quietly so the others would not hear, "Who's the guy I
just fired?"

The onlooker replied, "He was the pizza delivery man, Sir."
Does Your Employer Really Know You?
Austrian Niko Alm fought for three years before he was able to take his driver's license photo.
Austrian authorities had issues with Alm's preferred headgear: a pasta strainer.

But this week he finally was able to take the picture how he wanted, thanks to Austria's religious
freedom laws. Alm is a self-described member of "the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster,"
which is spiking off the charts in Yahoo! Search. The satirical religion, also known as
"pastafarianism," rejects creationism and says that an invisible flying spaghetti monster created
the universe. The spaghetti church, which is headed by a "pastafarian primavera," was founded
in 2005 when Kansas schools were under pressure to teach the theory of intelligent design
rather than evolution.
The Weirdest Driver’s License Ever?
On his blog, Alm wrote, "Today I was able to get my new driving license, and in it you can clearly see that I'm wearing a colander on
my head to demonstrate my allegiance to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster." It took three years for Alm to be able to take
the photo, because he had to prove that he was psychologically fit to drive.
TSA worker accused of swiping $22,000 in watches from travelers' luggage
A Transportation Security Administration officer has been accused of stealing $22,000 worth of watches from passengers' luggage
at Los Angeles International Airport.

According to the Los Angeles Times, TSA officer Paul Yashou was arrested last month after a $15,000 IWC GST watch he
allegedly swiped and sold to a jewelry store was listed for sale on eBay. The owner of the pricey timepiece noticed it on the
website and alerted authorities, prompting an investigation.

In addition to the watch, Yashou, 38, of Torrance, Calif., also was indicted by a federal grand jury Friday
for allegedly stealing a $5,000 Breitling Crosswind watch, a $1,000 Antima watch, a $1,000 Movado watch, and a $1,000 pre-paid
debit card. He is scheduled to be arraigned Aug. 3.

In a statement, the TSA said it has a "zero tolerance policy for theft in the workplace.

"The disgraceful actions of a few should not reflect negatively on the approximately 50,000 TSA officers
across the country who work each day to keep the traveling public safe. TSA will continue to work closely
with law enforcement authorities and will move swiftly and decisively to end the federal careers of any employee who engages in
illegal activity on the job.”

This is not the first time a TSA agent has been charged with pilfering passengers' belongings. Last month, a former security
supervisor at Newark Liberty International Airport was sentenced to 2 1/2 years in prison in a scheme to steal cash from travelers'
luggage. Also in June, a former TSA worker was accused of stealing laptops from checked luggage at Orlando International Airport
in Florida.
Silicon Valley billionaire funding creation of artificial libertarian islands
Pay Pal founder and early Facebook investor Peter Thiel has given
$1.25 million to an initiative to create floating libertarian countries in
international waters, according to a profile of the billionaire in
Details magazine.

Thiel has been a big backer of the Seasteading Institute, which
seeks to build sovereign nations on oil rig-like platforms to occupy
waters beyond the reach of law-of-the-sea treaties. The idea is for
these countries to start from scratch--free from the laws,
regulations, and moral codes of any existing place. Details says the
experiment would be "a kind of floating petri dish for implementing
policies that libertarians, stymied by indifference at the voting
booths, have been unable to advance: no welfare, looser building
codes, no minimum wage, and few restrictions on weapons."
"There are quite a lot of people who think it's not possible," Thiel said at a Seasteading Institute Conference in 2009, according to
Details. (His first donation was in 2008, for $500,000.) "That's a good thing. We don't need to really worry about those people very
much, because since they don't think it's possible they won't take us very seriously. And they will not actually try to stop us until it's
too late."


The Seasteading Institute's Patri Friedman says the group plans to launch an office park off the San Francisco coast next year,
with the first full-time settlements following seven years later.

Thiel made news earlier this year for putting a portion of his $1.5 billion fortune into an initiative to encourage entrepreneurs to
skip college.

Another tech titan, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, announced in June that he would be funding the "Clock of the Long Now." The
clock is designed to keep ticking for 10,000 years, and will be built in a mountain in west Texas.
Grammar fail on Old Navy's college t-shirts. Uh oh.
The person who writes copy for Old Navy t-shirts has a pretty easy
job. No puns, no of-the-moment cultural references, just a word about
sports or summer, followed by a couple of exclamation points. It's hard
to screw it up. But screw it up, someone did indeed.

Hundreds of thousands of shirts from the retailer's new college
football line have been shipped to stores with the phrase "Let's Go",
sans apostrophe. Major grammar fail.

I can't say I don't relate. Apostrophes and commas are my left and
right Achilles' heels. If only shirts were as easy to fix as blog posts.

The mistake is particularly glaring considering the concept of the tee:
it's a partnership between Old Navy and 70 esteemed institutes of
higher learning. Duke, Syracuse, University of Texas and Notre
Dame, to name a few, all signed on to be represented on the Old
Navy tee. Now they might be regretting that decision. According to
Fashion ETC, Syracuse University officials are leading an
investigation into who approved the copy. Maybe it's the same person
who signed off on this Wet Seal t-shirt.

Stupid oversight, yes. But shouldn't we give the guy a break? It's just
a misplaced smudge between two letters. Isn't this public flogging
punishment enough? How about the night after the shirts had gone to
the printer and that t-shirt writer was finally able to get some sleep,
but just as he was drifting off into a dream state, his eyes popped
open, his palms burst into a cold sweat and he sprung up in bed,
shouting: I FORGOT THE APOSTROPHE! That probably had to suck.
The person who writes copy for Old Navy t-shirts has a pretty easy job. No puns, no of-the-moment cultural references, just a word
about sports or summer, followed by a couple of exclamation points. It's hard to screw it up. But screw it up, someone did indeed.

Hundreds of thousands of shirts from the retailer's new college football line have been shipped to stores with the phrase "Let's
Go", sans apostrophe. Major grammar fail.

I can't say I don't relate. Apostrophes and commas are my left and right Achilles' heels. If only shirts were as easy to fix as blog
posts.

The mistake is particularly glaring considering the concept of the tee: it's a partnership between Old Navy and 70 esteemed
institutes of higher learning. Duke, Syracuse, University of Texas and Notre Dame, to name a few, all signed on to be represented
on the Old Navy tee. Now they might be regretting that decision. According to Fashion ETC, Syracuse University officials are
leading an investigation into who approved the copy. Maybe it's the same person who signed off on this Wet Seal t-shirt.

Stupid oversight, yes. But shouldn't we give the guy a break? It's just a misplaced smudge between two letters. Isn't this public
flogging punishment enough? How about the night after the shirts had gone to the printer and that t-shirt writer was finally able to
get some sleep, but just as he was drifting off into a dream state, his eyes popped open, his palms burst into a cold sweat and he
sprung up in bed, shouting: I FORGOT THE APOSTROPHE! That probably had to suck.

The person who writes copy for Old Navy t-shirts has a pretty easy job. No puns, no of-the-moment cultural references, just a word
about sports or summer, followed by a couple of exclamation points. It's hard to screw it up. But screw it up, someone did indeed.

Hundreds of thousands of shirts from the retailer's new college football line have been shipped to stores with the phrase "Let's
Go", sans apostrophe. Major grammar fail.

I can't say I don't relate. Apostrophes and commas are my left and right Achilles' heels. If only shirts were as easy to fix as blog
posts.

The mistake is particularly glaring considering the concept of the tee: it's a partnership between Old Navy and 70 esteemed
institutes of higher learning. Duke, Syracuse, University of Texas and Notre Dame, to name a few, all signed on to be represented
on the Old Navy tee. Now they might be regretting that decision. According to Fashion ETC, Syracuse University officials are
leading an investigation into who approved the copy. Maybe it's the same person who signed off on this Wet Seal t-shirt.

Stupid oversight, yes. But shouldn't we give the guy a break? It's just a misplaced smudge between two letters. Isn't this public
flogging punishment enough? How about the night after the shirts had gone to the printer and that t-shirt writer was finally able to
get some sleep, but just as he was drifting off into a dream state, his eyes popped open, his palms burst into a cold sweat and he
sprung up in bed, shouting: I FORGOT THE APOSTROPHE! That probably had to suck.
Salad Dressing Focus Group